A day in the life of...

Amazing Grace

2009-12-20T18:26:55Z

Right now I am compelled to record, that as I read the account of Jesus teaching the parable of the creditor in Like 7:41-47, I felt the tears well up in my eyes. How gracious is our Lord! So full of mercy and every ready to forgive! If only we will go to him and humbly confess our sins and repent, he is most gracious to forgive them. My sins are so great that the burden of it threatens to overwhelm me, but the Lord Jesus Christ, through his Holy Word, tells me to cease weeping, because my sins are forgiven, and one day I will be with him in heaven. I wish all people knew the love of Christ as I know it. I had such a long conversation with M and C today and I could sense such bitterness and hatred and M's voice for Christianity. With my spiritual eyes I could see that the argument that "Why should good people go to hell just for not believing?" was a false one in light of scripture, but with his earthly eyes he just could not see my point that no man was good, that Christ is the only way to heaven. I pray that the one hour I spend with them will bear fruit somehow. In the last days many shall profess a form of Christianity. Many shall openly declare that they are Christians yet they would also deny the infallibility and inerrancy of the Bible. They would say Christ is A way to heaven and not THE way. To these the Lord has a message: Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. Matt 7:22-23

May the Lord preserve the faithful and come soon. I confess that I have no love for this world that hates the Lord and is constantly devising new ways to deny him and the glory that is rightfully his.

There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. Luke 7:41-47

For why will you die?

2009-10-31T17:32:14Z

I know I don't update this thing very often, but I think I should really start clocking in all the times God has really helped me in my life and the things I have tried to do in the service of God in this life. Perhaps one day I may be able to pass on all the things I have written to my children or someone else to provide them some encouragement in their walk with God. In all things, to God be the glory.

This past week has been a really hectic one, for which I must give God all the glory. Last week I had a history essay due on Tuesday (but i thought it was monday), a video project due on thursday, and a philosophy paper due on friday. Without the help of the Almighty, I think I would've died for all three let alone have been able to hand them up on time. Last weekend I had intended to work on my video project all the way through, because I know it takes a very long time to do video rendering work. What did God dictate? Firstly, the footage I shot while I was in Myanmar was in a format that couldn't be read by my video editing software! So on saturday, I braved the crazy jams caused by Shell's stupid $1 petrol promotion to drive from my place in Toh Tuck all the way to my Uncle's place near Serangoon Gardens to get the video editing software that came with the camcorder he lent me. I got the cd, and brought it back home, only to discover, to my frustration and horror, that the stupid thing wouldn't install on my com unless I had Windows XP SP2! We've been running on SP3 for ages! So I said a quick "Lord help me please", took stock of the situation, told my Uncle to help me get another program to use, and I decided that it would be better to work on my other essays. So in two days I finished my History and more or less completed my Philo essay. So that was a good thing. I was so desperate to try and work on the video however, that I did actually record the footage using my other digicam to record my monitor. It was pathetic and really desperate, and I spent 2 hours doing it. It was so tiring. On Sunday, my uncle said he got me a program to use, so I got it from him later in the evening. To my horror when I brought it home, it had the same problem as the first program! So I prayed again "Lord! Help me! This is not funny! Please help me!", and msged a friend of mine to ask him if he had Adobe Premiere Pro, a program which I thought might work. He said yes, and that I could borrow his laptop if I passed him mine (we both use Macs). I got the laptop from him on monday, and when I used it to access my HD video files, praise God! It worked! On monday I couldn't do much since I had to learn how to use the program but on Tuesday I dug in and spent almost 14-16 hours to produce a 10 min video. I finished editing the video on wednesday morning and gave thanks to God. I clicked on the button to convert my video project into a hi-def mpeg file and went off to cook something to eat. To my surprise when I got back to my room, the rendering process had hung. This was at 1pm thereabouts. I was supposed to show the video to my project mates at 330pm that day. I said to myself "Don't panic, just try again". I tried again, when I got back 20 mins later. It had hung again! I repeated this process all the way till about 3pm. That's when I said "Lord, I don't know why you are doing this to me, but I have faith that you will help me. Nothing is too hard for you Lord. Please please help me to get this stupid video done!". I was almost a nervous wreck! I thought that the possibility of not having a video to hand up on thursday was very very real! And the video is a big chunk of our grade! So while the video rendered, I paid close attention to the scenes being rendered. At 330pm (I postponed the meeting), I found the scene that it had hung at. I played the scene in my preview window in Adobe and sure enough, it hung there as well. I trimmed the clip, removed the effect that was causing the problems, and saved the project. I was sure the problem was fixed, so I gave my most grateful and sincere thanks to the Lord, closed my laptop, and went off to catch my Sociology lecture at 4. During the lecture I had my laptop rendering the entire video the whole time and praise God, the video rendered completely. I met a project mate after the lecture and to review the video, burned a dvd for her, and left satisfied and with a large weight lifted off my shoulders! For my History essay as well! I was sketching the essay out in my head trying to figure out how to write something coherent and substantial, and it was still vague. So I prayed, and as I was examining my sources one more time, I saw some very pertinent points to make that I hadn't seen before! I dutifully produced an essay that I think I can be proud of. I think it's worth at least a B. Who knows, maybe without the Lord's help it would have been a C minus paper! The same goes for my Philosophy paper. In trying to answer the question of "What is right? How do people judge where to draw the line in pursuing our self-interests? What principle do you think people use to try and stay on the right side of the line?", I nearly wanted to murder someone. I was really drawing a blank. Suddenly it dawned on me "¹²Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets" Matthew 7:12. There was a principle from the Bible I could work on! I immediately went to work on incorporating it into my essay. While I can only hope for a B from that Philo essay, at least the Lord gave me inspiration to write on something I truly believed in, and fatten my essay up to 1600 words to boot! So all in all, praise God who has preserved me this past week.

This past week I also have been talking a lot to EnX about the Gospel. She is an unbeliever and one of those people who would classify themselves as agnostic. She has all the usual questions an unbeliever her age (27) would have. Why should I believe in Christianity? Aren't all other religions just another way to god? Why does god allow evil? And quite a number of others. The first time I spent 2 hours talking to her on msn. This was while I was frantically trying to salvage my video project with my digicam. I said in my heart "No time spent sharing the gospel is a waste of time" and I prayed "Lord, help me to use this opportunity wisely. I know you will help me with what I need for this video project if only I do your work first". We chatted till almost 130am I think. True enough, the Lord provided me with the means and time to finish my project. Just now I was talking to her as well. I had the original intention of finishing my Pol Sci essay but instead we spent another 2 hours chatting on the gospel. This time I triggered it by telling her I watched the movie biopic of the blind Korean pastor, An Jo Han. The Lord allowed his sight as well as most of his wordly possessions to be taken away just as he seemed to be at the peak of success, so that he could be brought back to fold, and used to serve the Lord full time. It was a very touching story and my eyes welled up at several points. He will be speaking in my church tomorrow morning. Anyway I knew I could use that to trigger a talk of more eternal things, and so it did! I spent 2 hours talking about many things. Some of the mostly intellectually challenging was disproving to her (although whether she was convinced is another matter) that her views on god and moral laws were untenable. I asked if murder was wrong and she said it is wrong because we know about the consequences and the punishment we might face. So I offered a scenario to kill her enemy with no consequences and asked if she would still think it was wrong in that scenario. So she argued it would depend on how much pain her enemy caused. To which I said she just invalidated her belief that god is in everything because if god was everything then right and wrong would be arbitrary concepts that have no real meaning. The real meaning of everything is just "god". The fact that she could talk about pain caused to her is an indicator that she believes in justice and fairness, but where does this sense of justice come from? Why do you even have it? We also talked about other heavy topics like predestination and free will, from which I was stumped but did not lose heart, for I know the Lord is true, and I found the answer in Calvin's Institutes:

John Calvin, the French reformer, established a theocratic state in Geneva, Switzerland, and his teachings eventually became the foundations for Presbyterianism. In the first passage here from his Institutes he is explaining how it can be that we humans can have free will yet can at the same time inevitably sin. God is necessarily good, i.e., it is of his very nature to be good; yet the fact that He cannot do anything evil is not a limitation on him, i.e., does not show that he is lacking in some liberty. Similarly, humans, even though they necessarily fall into sinning, are still responsible for their deeds, since those deeds are still done voluntarily. In the second passage Calvin states his doctrine of predestination: God has foreknowledge of all that will happen; all humans sin and deserve only condemnation, but God has pre-ordained, at the beginning of time, who it is that He will graciously save--in Calvin's words, "favored with the government of His Spirit." We, of course, cannot understand why some are saved and others not. (This very difficult doctrine can be traced way back to the thought of St. Augustine, but it is not a central element of his theology or of most Christian theology as it is for Calvin's.) - http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~wldciv/world_civ_reader/world_civ_reader_2/calvin.html

We will never fully understand why some are predestined for salvation and others are not, and I suspect that even in heaven we never will, for we are but human and not God, but I gave her this verse " ²⁰Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus? - Rom 9:20. I should have given her the other 3 verses as well!

²¹Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

²²What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:

²³And that he might make known the riches of his glory on the vessels of mercy, which he had afore prepared unto glory, - Rom 9:21-23

I emphasized that in the end, we may rebel and say it's not fair. However, sinful man is in no position to bargain with the thrice holy God. Our just punishment is death and hell, but God in his mercy has provided as way out. I shared many more things, and I pray the seed I have planted, may grow into a strong healthy tree someday. God willing. But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. - Matt 19:26.

Even now as I write this blog I do not consider it a waste of time. I have a full Sunday to write my essay, even while attending morning and evening service. I consider it an honour to record the ways the Lord has let me serve Him, as well as to testify of His goodness in my life.

That the offer of the deathless and endless life is no empty dream is substantiated by the historic event of Jesus' resurrection from the grave, haing conquered death for you and me on the cross. To the doubting reader, the risen Christ calls from heaven, "Fear not; I am the first and the last... and behold, I am alive forevermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death -Rev 1:17-18 . For why will you die? There's life for a look! Simply honor God's Son, look in faith to Him and instantly receive everlasting life. Salvation is by grace, through faith. This Gospel promise is conveyed to you by the best known verse in the Bible - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life - John3:16. Whosoever includes you. Believe and live! For why will you die? - Taken from the memoirs of Dr SH Tow "Footprints in the Sands of Time".

Reformation Sunday

2009-10-25T18:13:50Z

Today is Reformation Sunday, and although I have very little time to write in this blog nowadays, I feel compelled to flesh out my feelings into words on this very important day in the Christian calendar. If it were not for Martin Luther nailing his 95 theses on the gate of Wittenburg, we might today still be under the rule of the Roman Catholic Church, still in spiritual darkness with no hope of salvation. Martin Luther and many of the other heroes of the Protestant faith that followed him, were the instruments of God to bring light into the Dark Ages, and lift the spiritual veil from our eyes with regards to salvation.

What does the Bible say about salvation? ¹⁰Be it known unto you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom ye crucified, whom God raised from the dead, even by him doth this man stand here before you whole. ¹¹This is the stone which was set at nought of you builders, which is become the head of the corner. ¹²Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved. Acts 4:10-12. This stands in stark contrast to the Roman Catholic doctrine of salvation with faith AND works. The Roman Catholic doctrine of salvation says: Faith + Works = Salvation, but what does the Bible say about salvation? Faith = Salvation + Works! The Reformation was sparked off because of the gross injustices of the Roman Catholic church that claimed, and still claims to have the full monopoly on the interpretation of scripture. The RCC sold "indulgences" which were essentially "pardon tickets" so that she could raise funds for St Peter's Basilica. Paying money to buy off my sin! If that is not heresy then I know not what is! If not for the reformation we would not even have Bibles in our hands in so many languages today! The RCC for the longest time refused to let the Bible be released to the public. They did not want the people to read the truths therein, claiming sole authority over what was in the scripture and saying that giving the Bible to the public would be like "throwing pearls to swine". The RCC attacked the inerrancy and infallibility of scripture by saying that it had mistakes, and had to be augmented with the authority of the traditions and of the Pope. What does God say about scripture?  ¹⁶All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 2 Tim 3:16.  ³⁵Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away. Matt 24:35. ⁶The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.⁷Thou shalt keep them, O LORD, thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever. Ps 12: 6-7. Scripture is beyond reproach and all sufficient!

I am reminded that these truly are the last days. ¹This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. ²For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,³Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,⁴Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;⁵Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. 2 Tim 3:1-5. ¹⁰And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. ¹¹And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. ¹²And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. Matt 24:10-12. ¹Now we beseech you, brethren, by the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, and by our gathering together unto him,²That ye be not soon shaken in mind, or be troubled, neither by spirit, nor by word, nor by letter as from us, as that the day of Christ is at hand. ³Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; 2 Thess 2:1-4. Is it not so? Isn't our culture more and more focused on making ourselves happy? Isn't consumer culture all about the individual? About eating drinking and being merry? Aren't the most popular tv shows out there all about the love of self above all others? Sex and the City was certainly all about that. I sat through one episode and the one movie. All I saw were self-centered women who were focused only on the pleasing of self. Even the so-called "good old romances" are about the love of self. I thought I would enjoy watching Benjamin Button, but instead what I found was that I was disturbed by the focus of the characters to live life for themselves. The motto seemed to be "live your life to the fullest. God doesn't matter. He's just a kind old man in the sky. He understands and forgives pre-marital sex and adultery so long as it's true love that is the driving force". Christians know better. After this life there is the life to come, and while this life may last 80 years or so or maybe more, no one can escape death. When death comes knocking, all must answer. After death, is an eternity in the afterlife. Eternity is a long time. The Bible says we go to one of two places after we die, for the true believer the reward is heaven. For those who have rejected Christ, they are cast into the lake of fire. Why do we spend so much time and effort laying up treasures for this life?  ¹⁹Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: Matt 6:19. Eventually the greatest and richest of men have to die, and what do they have to show for it? A nice statue maybe, for pigeons to take a dump on. An aircraft carrier maybe, which will one day be broken down for scrap. Poor showing I think, because you can't take anything you have in this life with you into the next one. Naked we arrive, and naked we will leave. Have you laid up your treasures in heaven? Isn't it true that there are many false prophets already? They drive flashy cars and preach to thousands from their pulpit. They have massive auditoriums, and their services are marked with rock music and laser shows. A gospel is preached where every Christian is supposed to be triumphant and successful in this life as how the world defines it, money, influence, power. These false prophets tell you to take communion by yourself every morning at home. They tell you that disease is because of a lack of faith, and that only if we pray in earnest, then the disease will go away. They make suffering seem like punishment for the unsaved, and that a Christian should be happy always. Is this the example given in the Bible? I will only quote one example, Jesus. Jesus earned scorn everywhere he went even though he had no sin. Jesus agonized over his impending fate as he prayed in Gethsemane, nevertheless he prayed "not my will Lord, but thine". Jesus suffered the most excruciating death man has ever devised for other men, crucifixion. So if the perfect man, who was also God in the flesh, was made to suffer on this earth, should we sinful men saved by grace expect no less? Nowadays these pastors have become celebrities in themselves, building around them cults of personality. Benny Hinn, Billy Graham, and Joseph Prince just to name a few. One is even a pop star! Where has the focus gone? The focus has shifted from Christ to man, fulfilling the prophecies of me being "lovers of their own selves". Where is the faith of old to be found? Where are the pulpits that preach the true gospel? Where are the pastors who will condemn sin as they see it and not hold back for fear of being "politically incorrect"? Homosexuality is wrong! Pre-marital sex is wrong! Stay away from even the appearance of sin! Is the gospel all condemnation? No! There is a way out. There is a merciful God, who is ever willing to forgive us only if we will come to him and confess and repent. I count myself among them. The Lord came not to save the righteous, but sinners!

Has the falling away happened yet? It has already happened. The Lutheran Church has gone so far as to proclaim that Martin Luther was wrong and that the reformation was a mistake! The Lutheran Church and RCC are now one, united again. How about the Methodist Church?

The World Methodist Council met in Seoul, South Korea, at the end of July. At it two events of ecumenical importance occurred. The first was the Council’s affirmation of the Joint Declaration on Justification, originally signed by the Lutheran World Federation and the Roman Catholic Church in 1999.
This means that Methodists accept the significance of the statement as an expression of the ‘shared biblical faith of the Universal Church’. It means that Methodists, along with Lutherans and Catholics no longer see the understanding of justification as a ‘church-dividing issue’. In the eighteenth century, Wesley said that few had understood justification as well as Luther but that he had also failed to understand the importance of sanctification. Conversely, Wesley believed that Catholics well understood the need for sanctification, ‘pressing on to full salvation’ as he was fond of putting it, but that they also failed to understand the biblical reaching on justification.
Methodists now accept that the issues that worried Wesley in regard to the teaching of these two communions have now been laid to rest. The Methodist affirmation sets an important ecumenical precedent for the possible future reception by ‘third party’ churches as it were of fruitful dialogues between other partners. - http://www.cliftondiocese.com/assets/media/churches_aug.pdf

The legacy of Charles Wesley is slowly being eroded. In a few years time I will not be surprised if the+ churches under the World Methodist Council come under the fold of Rome again. What of Luther? The Lutherans are the prime example of "started out well, ended badly". Their pastors did not care for the flock. They were all led astray. Wolves in sheeps clothing entered, and now Rome has them in their "embrace" again. Believer, are you apathetic? Are you concerned with nothing but your own cares and worries? Your job? Studies? Family? Have you not read of what I have said about riches on earth and in heaven? Are you so attached to your church that you would accept heresy? My conscience is clear, the day my church becomes ecumenical, the day my church stops teaching the pure unadulterated gospel from the pulpit, the day my pastors become bigger than the gospel message, that is the day I will leave and never look back.

Have you spent time telling others of this good news, the gospel? Increasingly I have found it more and more difficult. Many talk of finding their own way to god. Many love themselves, and think that they know better what is the way to heaven. Many steal from the glory of God and call God a liar by saying that there is more than one way to heaven. That Christianity is an arrogant religion. Some tell me there are many different interpretations of heaven and hell. I say to them "Have you met anyone that has come back from heaven or hell?". I know of only one person who came from heaven and is qualified to talk of it, Jesus Christ. I have spent many hours talking of Christ with many friends. I have answered all the arguments as faithfully as I could. Where I did not have answers immediately, I always came back with them later on. Just now I spent an hour talking to a friend of Christ instead of working on my video project which has a very large impending deadline. I do not regret it. Salvation of your soul is worth more than my grade in a module. If I can plant the seed now, and it blossoms later, then it is worth it.

Brothers, sisters, never forget those who have gone before to give us. Never forget who awaits for us, and never stop to continue to earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints. Jude 1:3

Perth Day 7

2009-08-07T12:23:08Z

It was an interesting day today. Picked up Shaz from the airport after her long and arduous flight from Tazzie, went for lunch, then straight to the church after for wedding preparations. I mostly just hung around the church and took a bunch of photos, recording the moments, trying to capture the intimate shots. It was really interesting. Aussie weddings (of the Dutch variety) involve the entire family days in advance. In the past couple of days the family has been baking apricot tarts and sausage rolls. I've helped their mum make chocolate truffles. The bride and groom have packed chocolate packs for the kids. Their mum picked ivy from the school garden for the arch. This afternoon the bride and her bridesmaids were making flower arrangements and decorating the church! The bride's Sisters were decorating the arch etc. All I can say, respect man.

I must say it's been an interesting experience thus far. Apart from me tearing my hair out trying to get the modules I want, it's been great. Last night I met the guys for dinner in Northbridge since it was Mike's birthday. It was a blast man. Just like old times, sitting round the dinner table and making a whole buncha noise. Alot of the diners turned around to stare at us (especially when I was laughing) but who cares? We were having fun. Tomorrow it's the wedding, a visit to 130 sqn, and the dinner. Big day! I hope I can make it through. I'll update about the hk hol some other time!

Perth Day 5

2009-08-05T15:51:52Z

Irony of ironies. Today my Aussie friends made fun of the Singapore Accent. I couldn't help but give the most cynical smile possible but I managed to keep my mouth shut. If only they knew that their Perth Aussie accent was one of the most difficult ones to listen to. I mean, I can understand it, but it's almost like the Newcastle or Scouser accent, you can understand it, but it takes practice. I personally have no idea why anyone would want to adopt an Aussie accent. I wonder constantly why my idiot Godbrother has adopted a Kiwi accent. He's almost unintelligible on the phone.

Well it was a light day today. We went out for lunch to Mandurah today. It was at some place voted in the Tourism Awards called Pronto Cafe. To be perfectly honest I thought the food was rather blah. My paella turned out more like a risotto and to be honest it was rather bland before I added the salt and pepper. The pizza was ok but it didn't blow me away. The noodle stir fry was just an assault on my taste buds. Typical asian dish made to suit white aussie taste buds. Alot of satay sauce mixed with who knows what. I nearly choked on the 2 strands I tried. Everyone else (all ang moh of course) thought it was fantastic. I told Rae that yesterday's meal was heavenly in comparison. It was a light salad of mixed greens, advocado, walnuts, and balsamic vinegar, and we shared a main that was basically a salmon pastry wrap with a sauce that looked a little like hollandaise but I don't think it was. Anyways it was a carb overload. Got back home, slept for about 30 mins. Went for a run at 530pm (it looked like 7pm outside). Had dinner, helped dry the dishes, and then helped make chocolate truffles with Aunty Mary. After that a nice bloke (whose name escapes me atm) came over and talked about how he road tripped the states in 2 weeks from the west coast to the east last month in an old Ford F100 pickup and how he and his friend made that pickup their home over 2 weeks. Camping on the edge of the Grand Canyon, relying on the incredible generosity and hospitality of strangers. It was truly incredible to listen to. He also did a month long backpacking tour of Europe on a shoestring budget a few years ago and that was really fascinating tale to listen to as well. Played some pool with Rae and lost 3 games out of 4, and now I'm here tapping on the keyboard.

Anyways I'm supposed to be updating the rest of my hk trip as well. My second day in HK was a Friday. Jac was kind enough to take half a day off to help me shop for clothes. Well, there's a ton of sales in HK right? I need clothes to wear to school since I've basically been wearing uniform for the past 10 years right? I figured it was a good a time as ever to get some new threads and update my style a little bit (I am devoid of style of course). My instructions to Jac were "Jac I'm just gonna stand here. Your job is to pick stuff that will suit me. Treat me like your mannequin". Jac was fantastic. Wonderful. She picked everything out for me. We went to the I.T. stores and to H&M and she basically got me a full wardrobe. Amazing. I'll go back when it's a little cooler so that she can pick out a few more things from H&M for me :)

Later that evening I met up the usual suspects (Kiki, Alice etc) for dinner at a viet place. To be honest the viet food wasn't very authentic but oh well, need to eat right? It was great catching up with Alice especially since i don't get to see her very often since she doesn't come to Sg as often anymore. I remember laughing hysterically for about 20 minutes straight as I kept on making jokes about her wedding. How her fiance should give her Macdonald's Happy Meal vouchers in her ang baos, how he should just tell her to either let him in the door or meet him later to get married instead of going through all the usual marriage nonsense. I laughed especially hard when she mentioned that some societies make the bride stay up for 48 hrs beforehand and when I imagined what she would look like after that I just had to laugh. In fact I couldn't stop laughing. They all thought I was nuts. I think Alice was like "I can't believe I'm inviting this moron to my wedding". Anyways after that it was standard lah. Met with Dennis, Cynthia and bunch in LKF. Standard partying at Halo and Volar where Jac ran into 2 ex-bf's. Standard supper after at Tsui Wah, then Dennis and I grabbed a cab home. I didn't drink very much. I didn't really enjoy it very much either. It was more to catch up with friends than anything else really. There is an irony to this which I will write about in a later entry. In the meantime it's time for my beauty sleep! Meeting Mike and the guys tomorrow!

The week in review - Student Loh!!!

2009-08-03T14:47:39Z

I'm in Perth in the Terpstra's house at the moment and now I'm finally getting down to doing what I promised I would do, which is updating this blog, reading my book on David, and chilling in general! I just got in on saturday and it's been wonderful. On saturday I was a complete zombie because I boarded the flight at 0115H and I slept barely 2 hours on that flight. I got to sleep at 1000H and woke up at 1230H and had to drag myself through the rest of the day. I was at Neville's place for a small gathering and they were really enthusiastic about playing Trumps but I was just in and out of it. I got to bed at 2300H that night and I was up at around 0630H, which irritated me more than a little. I was like "Lord, let me sleep a little bit more please??", but apparently the answer for Sunday was "No. Get up lazybones". Anyways yesterday was pretty much like what I expected it to be. Church, relax, church, meet the schoof's, get back, sleep. On advice from a friend that I would be frowned upon if I wore jeans to church I actually put on my suit. If only my pastor could've seen me... :) I think that's the best dressed I've been on Sunday ever. I stoppped at putting on a tie though. I just didn't feel like it was necessary. Anyways I slept at around 2330H last night and I got up at around 1030H this morning. Glorious! I felt like a million bucks! I mean, it's not like I was bouncing off the walls but I was definitely feeling alot better today. I spent most of the day just enjoying the nice Perth weather in this beautiful and comfortable home and then in the afternoon I went off to try and find Tra-Vinh to go eat my Vietnamese Beef Pho. Fail. I was quite fail. I drove the 45 mins to Northbridge, only to realize I didn't know how to find the place, then walked around North Bridge for another 20 mins, then gave up, went to go draw some cash, and drove home only to be stuck in rush hour traffic at FOUR THIRTY IN THE AFTERNOON!!!! Sigh, I forget what a good life these Aussies lead. I went for a run this evening with Rachel and I had nice meal of pumkin soup, salad, and roasted potatos and chicken. It's been super wonderful so far and I feel extremely blessed to have this wonderful family to stay with who treat me just like one of their own.

In stark contrast was my last weekend in Hong Kong. It started out casually enough. I arrived in the morning and met Jody and Dennis and ran off to Po Toi for lunch and that just made my day. I had dishes like Cheese and Butter Lobster, Tang Hoon and Ginger Scallops, Salt and Pepper Sotong, Bamboo Clams, Steamed Fish, sweet and sour pork... wah... so shiok! Man after that I was ready to call it a day! Dennis did some riding and wakesurfing after that but I wasn't too keen since I was (and am) still recovering from Matthew's surgical handiwork (more on it some other time I guess, if ever). Actually to be completely honest i wanted to ride damn badly but tai tam wasn't too flat that day and the water isn't exactly very clean so in the end I just had to decline. Actually, I think this is the first time ever I've been to HK and have not ridden! Turns out Dennis is my brother's next door neighbour so I just followed him home! Jo was nice enough to give us a ride.

My brother's place is nice. Like, REALLY NICE. It's alot bigger, there's a beautiful view of Central since he lives near the peak now. That was the first thing that I really noticed. The second thing I noticed is that my bro has an electric toilet! Like one of those fancy japanese ones!! I tried to use it. It's really strange. It's got all the functions they talk about, the spraying water, the blow dryer, the automatic lid, it was just nuts lah. I used it once, and after that I was like "Ok lah, but I don't think I'll be using the functions again". I'm sorry, having my sphincter sprayed with a jet like blast of water is not something I find particularly enjoyable. It's my anus. It's sensitive. Stay away from my bum dammit. I took photos, they're akan datang.

In the evening I met up with Miffy and Jac for dinner. It was hk style western food or something like that. It was in Causeway bay lah. Opposite the Nike sportswear store. I thought the food was ok lah, nothing to crow about. The big highlight of the meal however, was this huge freakin souffle that was the size of my head, actually maybe it was the 1.5 times the size of my head. Light, airy, delicious, I like. We ended the night at Innside Out having drinks with Dennis and one of Miff' tall and skinny friends whose name I can't remember at the moment.. Epa, Wansheng, and Wendy came along later that night and we had a good chat. I still can't figure out those two morons but whatever lah. We ended up in TST for dim sum supper and Epa gave me a ride home after. Good stuff.

Well, it's 2245 and believe it or not it's getting a little late. I've adjusted my clock to these guys who sleep relatively early. Besides, I've been staring at this computer screen for the better part of the evening. I'll update the rest tomorrow. After all, I have all the time in the world! Tomorrow it's Tra Vinh and then grocery shopping to cook for my hosts! I'm hoping to have a soup, a main, and hopefully some Milano cookies for dessert!

Great Quotes in Time

2009-07-21T16:32:53Z

Coincidentally the Calvary Pandan YAF is covering David this quarter as well. James sent out an email that I liked very much. Here it is:

Many great people in history are remembered by the famous quotes they have said - in times of great trials, in times of war, in times of great struggles. Man has labeled many people as heroes throughout history.

Here are some famous quotes:

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte

"Onward we stagger, and if the tanks come, may God help the tanks." - Colonel William O. Darby

"Gentlemen, we are being killed on the beaches. Let us go inland and be killed." - General Norman Cota — Omaha Beach, 6 June 1944.

"Casualties many; Percentage of dead not known; Combat efficiency; we are winning." - Colonel David M. Shoup - (Tarawa) - 21st November 1943

"All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time"
- Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC. When the Marines were cut off behind enemy lines and the Army had written the 1st Marine Division off as being lost because they were surrounded by 22 enemy divisions. The Marines made it out inflicting the highest casualty ratio on an enemy in history and destroying 7 entire enemy divisions in the process. An enemy division is 16500+ men while a Marine division is 12500 men.

And one of my favourites:

“I think war is a dangerous place.” - George W. Bush

And there is one war hero that all of us may be familiar with. Here’s a quote from him when faced by impeccable odds:

“…who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?”

No prizes for guessing who. I like his quote the best I think.

Part Two on David

2009-07-21T01:57:51Z

After spending a completely unfruitful day yesterday doing basically nothing (apart from cleaning my area of the house) the guilt trip I've been going through is enormous, so the Lord has led me to continue my study on David. I've been sitting on it for a few days already. I was struggling to understand the term "Redemptive-Historical" and "Redemptive-Ethical" for the past few readings but last night as I read through it one more time it became extremely clear to me! In fact I don't know how I missed it out in the first place. The term "Redemptive-Historical" in this context simply refers to the role of David fulfilled by Christ in a unique and singular way. It means that only Jesus Christ, who must come from the line of David, could fulfil the role of the King and Priest and that David was only a type of Christ. The term "Redemptive-Ethical" refers to Christ making the original Davidic covenantal promise from singular (2 Sam 7:14) to plural (2 Cor 6:18). To quote, "The Davidic covenant now rests upon the community of Christ as a whole, which now functions in the line of David as vice-regents on earth". It really is quite a powerful statement when you read and think on it isn't it?

Now on to the next question:

What is the relationship between history and theology? Is it important that David lived in a historical time and space? Why?

At first I thought the first part of the question was quite easy to answer, but looking at it now maybe it's not so easy. Still, I will attempt to give a satisfactory and logical answer. We all know what history means, but theology we must examine. Theology refers to (in lay terms) the study of the system of principles underlying religion (at least according to my understanding). It literally means "The Study of God". So now we must see what connection we can find between looking at human history, and what we learn from the study of God, or as God has referred to himself, "the Logos". Literally, "the Word". So now the connection is made very clear, which is to say, that the question simply asks, "What is the relationship between history and scripture?". From there on answering this question becomes easy. History and theology go hand in hand. The Word of God is immutable and infallible, and within it contain many historical events. It is even written like a history book! Accounts in the Bible will always quote names, numbers, and relations. In my younger days I often wondered what use were the long lists in 1 Chronicles of people who begat other people and this and that etc... there are more begats in those chapters than you can shake a stick at! However according to the principle of 2 Tim 3:16, no part of scripture is useless. All of it has a use, and those chapters show how historically accurate and fussy about details the Bible is, right down to lineages! No other book of fiction would ever be so fussy. Now, back to main question proper. The entire history of mankind has been of man's rebellion against God and God's eventual plan for the salvation of the elect where all will be made perfect again. As the first question in the Westminster Confession asks "What is the chief end of man?", to which the answer is "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever". All of history and theology is pointing to how we, sinful man, will get there to "enjoy Him forever". Does not Paul say " For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now." in his letter to the Romans (Rom 8:22)? All of history and it's troubles and travails point to the coming of Christ! History and theology are inseparable. One cannot go without the other. Take away one, and the rest falls apart. This is proof that the Lord our God is very real, very present, and all-powerful. He is not some idol sitting on a shelf, nor is he a creation from man's imagination. He simply is, "I am", Yahweh, Jehovah, and at the end of history, He will come to judge the quick and the dead (2 Tim 4:1).

After answering the first part of that question, the rest of it has basically been answered already. It is of utmost importance that David was a factually historical figure! If not that would mean our Bible is merely a storybook! More importantly, the convenantal promises to David are fulfilled in Jesus Christ. God explicitly stated and promised that Jesus would come from the line of David, no other. Since we know that God never goes back on His Word and never changes, we see that it could have been no other way. If David was a fictional character derived from literary myths then our faith would be in vain. This again points to the inseparable nature of history and theology.

Break time. I'll tackle the next question later!

The choir of heaven has just grown a little larger. Goodbye Aunty B, see you again soon.

2009-07-16T15:35:21Z

Aunty B went home to be with the Lord this afternoon at around 1pm. F called me, sobbing, saying her mum had finally passed on. In truth when I saw her number flash on my phone, I knew what the news would be. Last night when I visited to read, pray, and sing I had a feeling that her race was almost done. I told F the same just before I went home. She sensed it too I think. My first thought was "Praise God". Indeed, I praise God that Aunty B is free from this mortal coil, and now she is in heaven with the Lord, a place of beauty and happiness far beyond our imagination. I did tell her last night when no one was around, "Aunty B, when you get to heaven and see my mum, please tell her to wait a little longer. I am coming soon". Indeed our lives are in the hands of the Lord. I could go today, tomorrow, or decades from now, but that is nothing in the face of eternity.

I pray that the words and hymns and prayers I have made over the past 3 days visiting F and her family will take root, for did not the Lord say "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." Jn 14:6? I really was at a loss for words when F called me up today but I did reply with an sms later "Remember F, no tears of sadness, only tears of joy", for why should we shed tears of sadness when we know "absent from the body, present with the Lord"? Praise God for His promises and His faithfulness. The angels sing for one more soul gone to be with the Father.

As I was searching for a hymn to sing last night from a hymnal left behind at their place, I chanced upon this beautiful one. I've been humming it alot for the past hour, and it provides great comfort. I didn't really like what I saw on youtube where performers like Michael W Smith and Hillsongs cut out alot of the lyrics just to sing the chorus (not to mention the fact that I maintain a healthy suspicion of all things ecumenical or pentacostal), and I find it is best to just sing this in your heart:

O soul are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's light for a look at the Saviour
And life more abundant and free.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His Glory and Grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there
Over us sin no more hath dominion
For more than conquerors we are!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His Glory and Grace

His Word shall not fail you - He promised
Believe Him, and all will be well
Then go to a world that is dying
His perfect salvation to tell.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His Glory and Grace.

Not to be ministered unto but to minister.

2009-07-13T14:59:19Z

Today my close friend told me her mum was in pretty bad shape. She messaged me on sat evening actually, when her mum's condition was deteriorating, but I was so tired I just went to bed and forgot about it in the morning. I was checking my phone this morning so I replied, then she told me that her mum was basically on her last legs. I know her mum, she's my insurance agent. I also know she's been battling cancer, I didn't know she was losing that battle though. One of the first things I asked when I called my friend up was if her mum was a believer. Praise God, she believes. I was playing out scenarios in my head on how I would present the gospel to a dying woman and it was pretty daunting, but Praise God, He gives us only what we can handle. I immediately asked my boss for a couple of hours off work, and drove over to her place to visit her mum.

When I saw her mum, I was shocked. I know that people on their last legs from cancer usually don't resemble anything much of their former selves, such is the cruelty of the disease, but I really did not recognise her. Her hair was mostly gone. Her face was puffy from what I guess were side effects from steroid treatment. She could not speak any more. She was sleeping most of the time. My friend told me her mum could hear me, so I said "Praise God. The spirit hears". As I was driving to work I prayed "Lord, teach me what to say, and what to do". So there I was, sitting next to Aunty B, praying in my heart for the right thing to do, so I started with reading the scriptures. I picked 2 Psalms, and 1 passage from Revelation. The first Psalm I read, was Psalm 121:

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore. Ps 121

The next Psalm I read, was the most well known of Psalms. You probably guessed it. Psalm 23:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. Ps 23

The last verse I read, was from the book of revelation:

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Rev 21:4

Then with the reading of God's Word, I led in prayer. I can't remember what exactly I prayed, but I mainly I have thanks to God for His love. I gave thanks for His mercy. I gave thanks that the reward for our sojourn through this life, is heaven. Lastly I prayed that if it was His will that the last legs of the race were about to be run for Aunty B, then I prayed for comfort, and for joy in our hearts that one whom He loves has been called to be by His side. What a privilege it is, to sing the praises of God with the saints and the angels.

Lastly, since F said that her mum loved singing hymns, I pulled out the song sheet from last Lord's day. I only remembered the tune to 2 hymns. The first I sang was Thank You Lord. The last I sang was Yesterday, Today, Forever. I never prayed so hard for a good singing voice. I don't think I ever felt such pressure to sing well! Praise God, I think Aunty B really appreciated it.

I told F, that she shouldn't thank me for coming down. I should thank her. I think we do these things to comfort ourselves, and that those that are going to be with the Lord rejoice and look forward to seeing Him yet at the same time recognise that we here who remain need fellowship. As I went for my run today, I praised God for this opportunity today to do what I notice has been written on the banner of my church weekly every week "Not to be ministered unto but to minister", and I praised God in my heart and almost choked with emotion. It was so good to do God's will and serve Him today. I wonder if the Lord is calling me for something more.

A Study of David

2009-07-06T14:19:42Z

Describe how you think Christians should approach and appropriate the Old Testament. Is it Christian Scripture? Is it foundational to Christian Scripture? Does it have enduring relevance to us today? Why?

There is no difference in the way a believer should approach the Old Testament as he or she does the New Testament. As Paul said in his letter to Timothy, "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness " 2 Tim 3:16. If we somehow value the OT less than the NT, then we are denying ourselves the richness of all that God has given to us in the Holy Scriptures. It is like having dessert and skipping the main and appetizer! Yes you can be nourished by the one course, but there are 2 other courses which would make the whole dining experience all the richer and more memorable!

The OT is most definitely Christian Scripture, and those who would say it is irrelevant (dispensationalists maybe, I'm not sure) are only fooling themselves and following a God of their own imagination. From the first gospel contained in Gen 3:15 to the prophecies of Isaiah, all OT scripture (which the Jews refer to as the Tanakh) blends seamlessly and points towards the messiah which is Jesus Christ. To say that it is foundational to Christian Scripture is something so obvious to me that I would think it does not bear explanation. Suffice to say that every book in the OT points towards or has something to do with the coming of Christ, whether it be the establishment of the Davidic line from which Christ would come from, or the nation of Israel which typifies what was meant to be, a nation led by God alone. Paul would not have been able to justify Christ if he did not expound from the OT, and indeed even Christ himself used the OT to speak to the Jews concerning himself! I think that if the saviour himself held OT scripture in such a high view, "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil." Mat 5:17, then we have no excuse to think any less of it ourselves.

The ways in which the OT continue to have relevance to us today are too numerous to note! From the OT prophets like Daniel we have a role model on what it is like to be a Christian in a non-Christian world. From Elijah and Elisha we see what it means to trust in the Lord and to stand up to higher powers that despise our faith. From the wisest man that ever lived, we have 3 books, Proverbs, Songs, and Ecclesiastes, that are a lasting legacy on how to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. Right now I'm studying the book of Kings and the numerous lessons contained within have really astonished me when they were expounded to me in a historical as well as ethical context. Every book of the Bible is relevant to us. If I may quote Rev Dr Jeffrey Khoo, "Our God has provided us indeed with good and healthy food for our spiritual feeding which is none other than His Word - the Holy Scriptures. He not only gave us His Good Word in the beginning, He kept His Word pure throughout the ages, even today. Every grain of rice is good and should not be wasted. Similarly every book, chapter, verse, word, syllable, and letter of God's Word is good, pure, perfect, infallible and inerrant and should not be despised. Everything in God's Word is essential. There are no non-essentials in the Bible".

A man after God's own heart

2009-07-05T09:31:26Z

I'm trying to do some regular bible study because I don't think my 10-20 mins of cursory daily devotional reading etc is enough so I thought I'd get a book to help me. So I picked After God's Own Heart - The Gospel according to David by Mark Boda as a starting point in what hopefully is going to be a regular thing and will hopefully be a blessing to me and others.

What is the image of David in your present mind (ask close friends and family for their views as well)? What is the source of that image?

King David to me stands as one of the towering figures of the old testament besides Moses. Of all the men and women of the bible, only David is called a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22). I have always seen this as one of the most difficult yet beautiful things to grapple with in the Bible. That David was an adulterer, a murderer, a liar, and a thief, yet God was pleased with David and established the covenant with him that the messiah would come from his bloodline. My image of David is of a man whom we can all look to for inspiration. He was not perfect, for certainly no man except Christ was perfect, yet he stands as an example of how even a sinner who has committed the most heinous of sins can be forgiven by God's grace and mercy, and not only forgiven but loved as well! When I stumble in my Christian walk, when I grieve the spirit with my actions, I often think of the penitent spirit David had in not hiding or making excuses for his sins to the Lord and cry to the Lord in the same manner. David was a man, and as a man he stumbled just as we have stumbled, and he prayed just as we should pray. Ultimately David stands as an example of what our attitudes towards the Lord should be like: We are to be led by the Lord, we are to give thanks for everything under the sun to the Lord, we are to come to the Lord in humility and meekness with our supplications. David was no superman, the Bible shows us how to be like David or to have a heart like David.

To me, in many ways Paul is the new testament twin of David. Both great giants of the faith yet as scripture records, both very human with very human fears and concerns, and both greatly loved the Lord. Both wrote many things concerning God's character, David with his many beautiful Psalms and Paul with his numerous letters.

The source of my image of David is none other than the Old Testament writings. I admit that I do not have any knowledge of the historical David outside of what scripture records but I don't think it is important. Surely David had done many great and wonderful things in his lifetime, but scripture records what is important for us to know and learn.

Ok that's my first question from the book answered. Time to go prep for Sunset Gospel Hour!

I Remember Rev Timothy Tow

2009-05-05T14:30:41Z

I remember Reverend Timothy Tow. I remember how his words moved me to ask the Lord for forgiveness and to be my saviour so many years ago at the Sharon BP church camp in 1994. I remember the power, clarity and simplicity of his preaching. Most of all, I remember a man who gave everything he had for the Lord he loved. A man who never stopped praising God and never wavered in the fight for the faith. A man who was jealous for the Lord Jesus Christ and never lost courage or hope in the face of those who betrayed and unjustly accused him. A man who had scripture etched in his heart as surely as it were in stone. While other preachers who are of the world draw huge congregations and salaries to match, Rev Timothy Tow showed that a true servant of Christ lays up treasure in heaven and only desires to increase God's kingdom. I remember Rev Timothy Tow, as I will for the rest of the days the Lord gives me, and I look forward to the glorious day when we shall meet again.

"Well done, thou good and faithful servant... enter thou into the joy of thy lord" Matthew 25:21

2009-04-24T05:03:13Z

I went to KL on Monday for sims. At about 8pm I received news from J, Rev Tow had gone home to be with the Lord in glory. My first reaction was "Praise God! Another faithful servant's work is done and the Lord has rewarded him with rest!". The Lord puts it better , "Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them" Rev 14:13. This is the third passing of someone I have known in the past 2 months, but this is the first passing in which I was not overly saddened. However in truth, today as I write this I weep. I weep because I miss Rev Timothy Tow and his wonderful preaching, and I regret that I could not be there in the company and fellowship of the saints as they celebrated his life and homegoing. Rev Tow was the one whom the Lord used to give me the push to go to Lord, and to lay my life at His feet. I remember well his gravelly voice, always calling on unbelievers to believe on Christ and be saved. He was the founder of the Bible Presbyterian churches in Singapore, and the Far Eastern Bible College. His life was marked by tragedy and the loss of his wife and daughter at an early age, yet like Job the Lord rewarded him many times over with another family, and many children and grandchildren. I often looked towards Rev Tow and asked myself, "This man has done so much for the Lord, what have I done?". Even now I am ashamed to think of it. He never tired in the Lord's work. Never took a break. He was available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When the pastors of Life Church and their congregation rejected the preservation of the word of God, he broke away and started a new church with the remaining faithful, at the age of 83, he started True Life BP church. This was a man who truly dedicated his life to the Lord and when the Lord saw it fit to afflict him with alzheimer's and he could no longer preach, I thought it was unfair of the Lord to do so, yet who can question God's ways? Rev Tow's presence at every service on Sunday was a testimony in itself, and when we walked past to shake his hand after service, I certainly felt that he recognised us, and was praising God in his heart for our being there to worship.

I watched the first evening's vigil service given by Dr SH Tow on the web today. He gave his testimony about how he woke up crying one night and asked "What have I done for my Lord Jesus Christ?". Often, I ask myself this same question, "What have I done for my Lord who has done so much for me? How have I lived my life? Do others see Christ in me when they see me? Or do they only see another carnal Christian who is no different than those who are unbelievers?". Sometimes I have wept, sometimes I have hung I my head in shame, often times I have put those thoughts aside as if they were an inconvenient reminder, but thanks be to the Lord who is more faithful than we are. My JC classmates asked me recently during a reunion "Gerald, why the change? Why are you suddenly attending fellowship and how is it that you attend services twice on Sunday?", my only answer to my shame was "The Lord is more faithful than me". I say "shame" because it is true, if it were my faith then I would surely have fallen away years ago, but faith comes from God, and that great shepherd of the sheep will not let any of His children perish. Over the years since my baptism I have done many abominable things in the eyes of the Lord. I have asked for forgiveness many times only to stumble again. The words of the hymn "Does Jesus Care" ring very true for me:

Does Jesus care when I’ve tried and failed
To resist some temptation strong
When for my deep grief there is no relief
Though my tears flow all the night long?

I thank God, for conviction of sin. For without conviction of sin there can be no repentance. Men like Rev Tow preached this continuously from the pulpit, and called on us to believe and be saved. I thank God for men like him, and pray nightly that more like him may come after.

However much I may weep today, or feel saddened, I am comforted, "But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words. " 1 Thess 4:13. I look forward to meeting Rev Tow again on that wonderful day, and not only him but all the saints who have gone before in Christ; Charles Wesley, Isaac Watts, John Sung, Martin Luther, John Calvin, Moses, David, Solomon, Paul... Oh what a wonderful glorious day it will be! When we get to heaven and sing praises with the saints! I long to be free from this world to be with them, but Lord if it is your will that I should stay a little longer, then please be merciful and use an earthen vessel like me to further your kingdom so that in the end I may say "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith" 2 Tim 4:7. Goodbye Rev Tow, till we meet again on that glorious day.

Join the navy... I don't think so...

2008-10-29T15:19:40Z

I forfeited my $60 ticket for Camera Obscura today to go visit the USS Ronald Reagan. The newest carrier in the 7th fleet. Oh man it was like a dream come true for me (That and getting to sit in the cockpit of the Eurofighter when I was in the UK a few weeks back). That sucker is HUGE! Just walking towards the ship on the pier was a completely unbelievable and surreal experience, I mean, that right there, is American diplomacy. That 5 billion dollar hunk of metal that houses 6000 men and women and has more air power on it than some of our neighbours in the region combined, was truly awe inspiring. Standing on the elevator (the one that moves planes from lower deck to the flight deck), feeling that jolt as you're brought 4 stories up in an instant, seeing all those planes on the deck and walking that deck... oh man, priceless. Standing at the catapult, and looking at the 1500ft of deck that warplanes have to launch into the wild blue yonder, really let me appreciate just how bloody intimidating the whole thing can be. It was completely worth it but you know what? I'm an air force man through and through. As the song goes, "Cuz once you're on board, you're never quite the same again... because you're still on a boat... in the middle of nowhere... with five thousand other men...."

My big holiday to the states part 1

2008-09-18T15:07:00Z

Oh man I've been meaning to update this blog ever since I've gotten back from my big trip to the states on the 27th last month, but I've just been so busy with work that I've practically had no time to do so. I also have to admit that I've been lazy, surfing the web when I could have been using the time to update this blog instead. Anyways it's been an eventful couple of weeks, so I guess I had better start.

Actually I think it started with the Death Cab For Cutie concert! That was the day before I left for my sims. My friends and I didn't get the most expensive tickets this time but it really didn't matter because the view was pretty good from up where we were seated and Death Cab isn't really the sort of band you need to be all the way in front to jump up and down and shout out loud for. All in all it was a great show put up by a great band. Although it was kind of marred by the fact that there was s strong hint of B.O. in the air where I was seated. What the heck is the matter with indie rock lovers in Singapore? Is it uncool to take a freakin shower or something??!!

The next day I was off to KL for my sims. I was really happy about that for a couple of reasons. First, I get to stay in a nice hotel and sleep on a nice big bed with alot of pillows and my only job is to fly my sims well (not easy, but not that difficult either). Second, I get to eat all that wonderful food in KL. Lastly, I get to eat all that wonderful food in KL! I ate almost all my favourites :) From the pork noodles, to the char kuay teow, to the Ong Lai Steamed Fish Head, to the ipoh hor fun. I won't go through the entire list but suffice to say, I was happier than a pig in the mud, or a kitty who found it's way into the pantry :) Anyways the sims went largely ok. It wasn't world best decision making on my part but I think was mostly ok. I had the benefit of a completely inexperienced co-pilot to handle so that was sort of a steep learning curve for me in terms of the fundamentals of captaincy.

After coming back from KL I had a grand total of something like 15 hours to pack for my 10 day trip to the states. Actually it wasn't too hard and didn't take that long. I purposely packed a suitcase that was only half full since I knew I was going to do a lot of shopping anyway. I think I packed in like 3 t shirts, 1 shirt, my boxers, some socks, a nice pair of shoes, and that's about it. You see, my first stop was to Vegas, and I know Vegas pretty well, well enough to go where to shop anyway, so I wasn't too worried about running out of things to wear. I was more worried about whether I'd run out of money to shop! I was pretty fortunate that Zhu decided to return my "defective" laptop to me too, since that proved very useful later on. I say "defective" because I solved the problems she was encountering in less than 10 mins by just letting the chkdisk utility run and do it's own thing. What worries me though, is that the stupid thing won't recognise my recovery cd so I can't reformat the hard drive for now. Still, no matter, I have a spare fully functional laptop again. From what Zhu tells me, she's very happy with... "Blossom" I think her new laptop's name is... So anyways there I was at Terminal 3 at something like 430am I think, and there's already a huge snaking queue that moves at the speed of mud. I hate all these stupid US flights on US airlines (United). It's always such a pain in the ass. My friend Yeow is already in the queue so I jump right in with him. We go through the domestics, get our seats, and get outta there. Upon getting on the plane I realise we've been given some of the shittiest seats possible. I mean man, these seats really really suck. On an old crickety 747 with some pretty surly looking stewardesses. I know this flight, I take it all the time, it's one of the first flights out of Singapore to Hong Kong that you can get, on United. Which is ok if you're only gonna travel 3 hrs and 20 mins to go have some fun in HK, not so fun when you know that after that there's a more painful 13 hour flight awaiting. Anyways the flight was unremarkable except for the fact that it was uncomfortable (still, it beats Jetstar's seats for the vertically challenged). We arrive in HKIA and lo and behold what do we discover? Flight to LAX is delayed due to aircraft problems. What does that mean? Our connecting flight is screwed to hell. So we wander around in HKIA for a bit, then we decide it's a good idea to go the United Counter to try and get ourselves another connecting flight. What happens? The bloody counter takes almost an hour and a half to clear just 10 similarly disgruntled people in front of me. If I weren't so tired, I think I would have been extremely angry. So to wrap up the HKIA chapter, we got our transfers sorted out (arrival into Vegas delayed by 3 hours), I went to eat a bowl of congee (unremarkable), and we got on our flight to LAX, where the next part of the adventure begins...

My 13 hour flight to LAX was spent at the last row of the plane, sandwiched next to Yeow and this bloody weirdo of a Chinese dude. Picture this, wild straggly hair that bore some semblance of a side parting but just refused to cooperate, thick round glasses, pale, bearing a faint resemblance to a frog or goldfish... I can't quite decide, that was this guy. That dude was one of the strangest fellows I've ever had the misfortune of sitting next to. Example, I'm filling up my US immigration card, the guy just keeps staring at me filling up my card. He's staring so hard and so close at me filling up the card that his head is actually in my field of vision as I fill up the card! So I continue to fill it up, and when I'm done I pass the pen back to Yeow, and then the dude finally like, prods Yeow's hand and asks to borrow the pen. Yeow's like "Sure" but I can see on his face he's like "Man what a weirdo". I'm the same. Another example, I'm listening to my ipod, then I get bored and plug into the aircraft entertainment system with my own headphones. Dude looks at me, then suddenly realises he has his own headphones but is completely clueless on how to plug them in. He's like fumbling around for a couple of mins to figure out where the hell the jack goes to, so I just point it out to him, problem solved. Hey man I've sat next to people on flights who've told me they've never been on a plane in their life, they were nowhere near like this guy. Throughout the flight this guy just keeps moving around and tossing and turning while he sleeps. When he finally gets off the flight he looks like he's gone through the psycho ward! A couple of things stood out as well, like the amazing level of service United provides! Yeow overheard this:

Passenger: Could I have another pillow please?
Stewardess: Maybe.

Priceless. United, I love you.

Enough about shitty flight. We're in the states now. After passing through the Fortress America (aka Fascist Homeland Security immigration officials), we are actually somewhat closer to our goal, Las Vegas. Except, our baggage tags haven't been changed, therefore we need to grab our luggage and go to the United Counter AGAIN to get it tagged properly. While waiting in queue, this poor lost looking Chinese girl comes up to me and asks me to help her out because her connecting flight has been completely screwed by, you guess it, United. So fast forward 30 mins later, our baggage is properly tagged and on it's way, then I act as translator for this girl. She's on her way to Denver to go study English (???) and the guy at the counter gives her 2 options. Wait for the next flight out tomorrow. Or take 3 connecting flights to Denver in 2 hours time. Smart girl decided she wasn't going to let United screw her over again if one of those flights got delayed, so she decides to get accommodation (United foots that bill) and I leave her on her with a silent prayer that she makes it to Denver without too much hassle, and also wondering how the heck a girl from China with almost zero English is going to fit in in Denver...

So, eventually I make it to Vegas. Vegas is hot, very hot. Unlike Macau, Vegas has no buses courtesy of the casinos to bring you to their doorstep. So Yeow and I go buy a ticket for the bus service. 8 bucks or something like that. We stand at the shelter, and Yeow goes "Man this heat is amazing". I'm just reliving the last time I was there, on exercise at Red Flag, flying a couple of thousand feet over Nellis Air Force Base with a clear view of the strip.

Time for bed. I'll come up with part 2 another time I'm free to write. Probably Saturday or something.

God provides...

2008-07-27T17:12:08Z

Sometimes... in fact I would argue all the time, God intervenes in ways we may not notice and may not ever realize. Until the day we give up and say "God, why?". Then when God answers, we who believe, will be humbled,and say "Lord, I am sorry". Instead of asking why, we should be saying "Praise the Lord!!". Most of all. we should be saying "God, how can you use me in this situation to edify you?"'. I often wonder, if I were put in the same situation, could I follow the advice I have been giving?. Praise God, who is merciful, and who knows our every need.. He does not try us more than we can bear. He does not break us, He only lets us know that in times where we think we are in control, He is in control, and He guides us in the paths that are best for us, though we would not know it. Praise God through whom all blessings flow! We who do not know what lies in the future, can take comfort in the fact that the Lord knows our every need, all the time, every time. He provides for our needs every time! He knows our troubles, when we cry, He knows. When we are deep in sorrow, He knows. When we are left with nothing else, He knows. Sometimes when I think about the length and breadth of God's mercy, I am astounded and left speechless, because it truly is that unfathomable, and irreconcilable, that God, should give His only son, to die for our sins. That is what sets Christians apart. That God, who loves us so much, would send His only son to die for us. Yet we, are ungrateful, sinful, and undeserving. Even the gratefulness we have would not exist if it were not for the grace of God! What religion would tell you that? That you do not have to do anything of your own, that God knows and has already provided!

Let not our heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me John 14:1

Let us all believe in the word of God and His promises, and pray for the hastening of His kingdom. One in which there are no more sorrows, no more tears. Just joy everlasting, beyond our wildest imaginations.

Peace at last...

2008-07-12T11:13:48Z

I've been working 13-14 hour days almost non-stop recently thanks to this stupid Darwin detachment we've got coming up. Yesterday I got in to work at 5am and didn't leave till about 2015, and I was overjoyed when I got to the mess and found out that there was still food left for me to eat. I joined the guys after that to catch Hellboy 2 which was followed by supper at Newton. By the time I got to bed last night, it was about 3am. That was almost 23 hours with no sleep. This morning I woke up at 9, then I said "No way am I getting up now, I'm going back to bed". When I got up at 1230 I was "Ah... that's better".

It's been a rather blah sort of day. Ironed my clothes, made lunch, packed my bag for Darwin, threw out some old stuff to make way for more comic books, did the rest of my chores etc... after which I just layed in bed and lazed around for a bit till just now. A couple of minutes ago I looked outside when I heard the familiar sound of F16s to see the Black Knights fly overhead in formation. It's the 2nd NE show this week I think. The sun is setting, there's an orangey reddish glow on the low puffy clouds that are lazily drifting past the rooftops of the opposite blocks, and I can heard noisy little kids playing downstairs at the pool. You know what? Overall it's been a pretty peaceful day, probably the only one I've had this week so far, and I'm pretty glad I've spent it thus far at home.

Lord, just help me get throught the next 9 days, and then I can start to throttle back and look forward to my holiday in August. Sigh....

The Chastitive Will of God

2008-07-02T06:45:08Z

"For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons... Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." - Hebrews 12:6-11

That was the subject of the sermon last sunday. It's something that's been on my mind recently, even before the sermon last sunday. My buddy was leaving for the states to go fly strike eagles, I was feeling rather down because I don't fly vipers anymore and because I couldn't join him, and that feeling only exacerbated itself when I went to watch the Black Knights during the NDP combined rehearsal. I started thinking about the chastening of the Lord, and how and how "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. In the end I had to ask myself this question, "Am I happier now than I was 2 years ago?", and to which my answer is "Yes". I remember October 05 during that Columbus day weekend really clearly, when everything just hit the fan for me. Everything after that was just misery, misery, and more misery. I used to dread going to work. I hated the people I was working for. I had no desire to fly anymore.

And then I heard the sermon on sunday, and the memory verse was Hebrews 12:11, and that immediately got me thinking of what was for me undoubtedly, one of the most horrible periods of my life. Hands down, without a doubt.

Why did the Lord chasten me that way? Why couldn't he have chastened me another way? Why can't I still fly vipers in the states? These questions automatically sprang to my mind, but I already knew all the answers. The Lord chastens the way he wills, and the Lord didn't make me drive my friend and I back from Scottsdale even though I knew I was over the limit. It was all in God's plan for sure, but I made the mistake that tanked my viper career, not God. However in hindsight, I think I can see what God was doing. No sense wondering what would have been because we can never know... but I think I know what God did and why He did it, and yes, I can say it has worked out together for good. Even my dearest mum, whom I miss so much, I can also see why God took her away. If not how would the gospel come to me from my Aunty Irene? The Lord used tragedy to bring me to Him. He used that awful time in my life, to make me look towards Him, and now in an entire family full of unbelievers, I am the first. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not boasting, in all things Sole Deo Gloria, to God be the glory. Salvation is not something I earned, but what God gives freely out of his own goodwill and mercy.

There are other things in my life where the Lord has chastened me. Not so dramatic, smaller in scale, not quite as serious as the stuff in 05. Little things like a colleague who told me off for liberally punctuating my speech with vulgarities yesterday, reminding me that a Christian should not present this face to the world. Was I angry? Yes. Was my pride hurt? Yes. Then I immediately asked God for mercy and forgiveness, that I could be so proud as to be angry with a fellow brother for telling me to behave better because we are supposed to show Christ to the world! Pride is one of the worst sins I think. It's the sin that led to Lucifer's fall from heaven. It's a sin so insidious we don't know it's there, and it blinds us to it's presence simply by it's very nature. How many times have we thought ourselves better than others? That we didn't cheat, or didn't steal, or didn't go through a divorce or whatever. Haven't we all come short of the glory of God? Aren't we all equally filthy sinners if we are without Christ? Maybe that's why the Lord must chasten us from time to time, so that we are jolted out of our prideful state, and look to Him for all our needs. Besides Job, Paul was also an example of this, "And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Cor 1: 7-9. Isn't it when we are weakest, when we are stripped of our pride, that the Lord is most pleased to hear and answer our prayers?

Yes I've been through a little rough patch recently, but a little BGR trouble with unreasonable and silly women seems so tiny in comparison to the things of eternity now that I've sat down to think about them

So much changes yet so much (thankfully) remains the same

2008-06-24T16:23:53Z

I have been reading Mere Christianity by CS Lewis and I have been extremely blessed by it. He had the gift of making simple seemingly complex doctrines and principles of Christianity. It is Christianity down to it's roots, explained for the layman on the street. I have found nothing biblically wrong in the chapters I have read and I have found myself wondering in bewilderment sometimes as to why I never thought about a certain aspect of Christianity in the simple way that Lewis illustrated it. It has been quite a while since I've sat down to read a book instead of goofing off in front of the com (I still do, just less that's all) or playing on my psp (maybe it's because I'm tired of the games I have...), but I've really been blessed by the quiet time I spend in bed reading instead of doing other things.

Last wed our JC class had a reunion! Not all turned up of course. Those who were missing were those I had expected to be missing. It really is quite interesting that the class has met up maybe all of... 3 or 4 times in the last 10 years, but it's always the same bunch. It's always Pam, Sing, Ade, Mel, JW, and there's always me (when I'm in town). To be fair, Lynette was really busy with work, and since she's working with O & M, I believe her. I love my classmates so much! Every single one of them! (ok maybe not ALL of them...) It's always such a joy to see them! When we get together it's like being back in school again. Nothing changes. We act the same way around each other 10 years later the same way we did 10 years ago. Some of us are mothers, some are wives to be, some are teachers, some are just idiots like me just trying to get by in life... but when we're together we're 2AA2 class of 98, "better late than never", white rabbit sweets, the Duchess of Malfi, Mr Brian Brigden, Mr Martin King, Mr Teo, and Lao Chio... 2 years together and some of the best friends I've ever made in my life. I also find it so amazing, that those that get together, are all one in the family of Christ. I have said grace on at least 3 of the last occasions that we got together, and we always talk about spiritual things for at least PART of the gathering. Sort of like like precious treasure amongst the heaps of trash in our conversations... :-) Amusing trash nonetheless. I especially love Sing Ee, she's still so cute and adorable! It's so hard to imagine she's teaching AC Barker boys and taking part in triathlons! If there were anyone in the class whom I thought would be settled down first leading a blissful life, I was sure it would've been her. Oh well, God has bigger and better plans for her I'm sure.

I have also been cramming myself with culture so to speak. In the past 2 weeks I have attended a performance of short plays (Short N Sweet), 2 classical music concerts, 1 Opera in the Park, and 1 arts performance (Hydro Sapiens) at Bedok Reservoir. I find it very refreshing. I think I should do it more often. I would love to catch Anoushka Shanker, but I think my wallet can't take the hit. I'm really busy this week anyway. Too much work to be done in the run up to Darwin.

One last soundbite before I sign off. Women... sigh... all nothing but trouble!

Christ in you, the hope of glory 1Col 1: 25-29

2008-05-17T17:32:59Z

I decided to split my thoughts into 2 entries because it seemed appropriate to do it that way.

I was extremely blessed to find the mp3 of Dr Raymond Saxe's sermon when he preached to Calvary BPC on 25 Feb last year on Calvary BPs' website. If you can recall my entry at the time, I said that his sermon moved me to tears. I held back my tears during the sermon, but i certainly had to dab my eyes when my head was bowed. When the sermon ended and as we were all walking out, I saw nary a dry or clear eye. Many were in tears. Such was the beauty and conviction of his preaching. This time I did not hold back as I listened to it in privacy. The tears flowed and I wept. Praise God for servants like Dr Saxe. I wish there were more like him.

I would like to share some of the pertinent points from the sermon, but I would highly recommend to all of you to download the sermon yourselves and listen to it. You will be richly blessed by it, that I assure you.

"To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Col 1:27

What Dr Saxe was trying to tell us, was that when we were saved, it was not just the Holy Spirit that came to dwell in us (1 Cor 6). The Father as well (Ep 4:6), came to dwell in us, as well as the Son. As Christians we are trinitarian monotheists. All 3 are distinct yet one God, and all 3 dwell inside of us! There is something very precious in that information. Phillip asked in John 14:8 "... Lord shew us the Father, and it will sufficeth us". What was the Lord's response? "...He that hath seen me hath seen the Father..." verse 9. To paraphrase, "Phillip, when you saw me incarnate, you saw the Father. When you see me, you see the Father also".

"believest not thou that I am in the Father and the Father in me?" The words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake" John 14:10-11

Now consider John 8:28 "When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then ye shall know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things" The he is in italics because it is actually not needed (Ex 3:14). It can be read as "Ye shall know that I am".

Consider that words, and the works. in John 8:28 and how beautifully it links together!

Now the final point John 14:20 "At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you". "Christ in you, the hope of glory", the Son and the Father in one another and incredibly, I in Christ, and Christ in me. If I want to see Jesus, then I need only look in myself. How humbling! If the world wants to see Jesus, they must see him through us. God help us to understand this. That is what John 14:20 is saying. John 14:24 "If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me"

Do not say that to be saved only means to be saved from hell. It is to be saved to have the huge responsibility and privilege of showing the world that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is in us. We need to be able to say to the world "Look at me, and you'll see my Jesus". As I type this the tears cannot stop flowing, and I thank God for that. This little entry is wholly inadequate to cover his 45 minute sermon. I urge those of you who wish to know more to download the sermon, and be blessed by it.

Updates in a nutshell. In lieu of bigger update in the works...

2008-03-09T15:07:58Z

Here's what happened the last 6(???) weeks in a nutshell:

1. Finally got rid of a huge irritance in my life. For good hopefully.
2. 34 mins and 30 seconds. A new personal best!
3. Ultimate Ear Super 5 Pros! 380 freakin dollars, but it's an aural orgasm!
4. Ditched the Shane for the Valhalla.
5. Got in touch with pals Emilie and Alain. It was great to see them again.
6. Watched and fell in love with Juno! I have the soundtrack and Ellen Page is my new favorite actress!
7. Practised a few SAT papers, man they're tricky and a PITA.
8. Installed that Ipod adaptor in my car. No more burning CDs for me man.
9. Completed Mass Effect at Level 51. Now my aim is to complete it TWICE. With my level 51 character and my hot chick character.
10. Had my circadian rythm completely screwed thanks to a certain fugitive on the run.
11. Caught Broken Social Scene. What a show! What a concert! Best I've seen this year thus far!
12. Caught the damn flu bug. Now considering if I should see the Doc tomorrow.

That's it folks!

Awesome!

2008-02-14T13:22:02Z

New record timing for my run today! 35 minutes flat! My previous best was like 36 minutes or something. I guess with the right motivation you can push yourself to do some pretty amazing things.

Happy New Year everyone. For the monkeys reading this, this year is supposed to be a good year for us, but every year is a good year if it's lived for the Lord!

All things worked for good

2008-01-28T15:38:21Z

One week.

One week since I found out last monday.

One week is a long time I've discovered.... In one week I've severed all ties with someone I loved once. I think I've forgiven her, but I don't think I can ever talk to her again. Betrayal... it's quite a bitch. All those threats about taking revenge... all empty talk. I don't have it in me. I'm not the vindictive sort. God won't let me be, He didn't make me that way. She should thank her lucky stars I guess.

Memories of her bubble to the surface everyday, involuntarily of course. Today they caused me physical discomfort. I felt like throwing up, literally. I wish I could make it stop. I don't love her anymore. I don't even want to see her anymore. It's taking almost everything out of me not to feel continuously angry and resentful at her 24/7 at her anymore.

But the Lord knows. He knows everything I'm going through, and He did everything for a reason. A GOOD reason. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

It's over.

2008-01-26T18:38:11Z

It's almost a week. Almost a week since it happened. I couldn't believe my very eyes when I saw it. I remember as I was driving to her place to return all that stuff, I said to myself "Man, what if I see the guy she's cheating on me with over there?". Lo and behold, I sit in my car for awhile, getting ready to go, and what do I see? I see a familiar Porche Cayenne drive in, past my car, towards her block. I see it park at her block. I see a familiar face come out of it, and look around, and walk towards her lobby. TCS couldn't come up with something as dramatic as this.

My heart nearly burst.

I was feeling so many emotions all at once. All I could remember saying was "Oh my God. Oh my God. It's true. She's cheating on me with him!". I was just repeating it to myself over and over again, while a voice was telling me "Gerald, don't do anything rash. Please don't do anything rash". At that moment, I think I was truly heartbroken. I felt betrayed to my very core. One whom I thought I loved and was loved by, had completely betrayed all the trust I put in her. All that we had done together, all the happy times we had shared, all the moments of true love and affection, all shattered. Betrayal, is one of the worst feelings in the world. It's like someone has taken a hold of your guts and your heart, and squeezed them both at the same time. Twisting and squeezing, in the meantime you feel like puking and your heart beats so fast it feels as if it's about to burst out of your chest. It was a double betrayal for me too. She was cheating on me with someone who was distantly related to me.

The urge to ring that doorbell and confront them was so strong. I took the dignified approach. She was worth nothing to me now, and therefore not worth my breath. I left the things there at the door, next to his shoes, and walked away.

Now as the days have past, I realised all the signs were there. How she didn't want me to go wakeboarding with her and him anymore, giving me a flimsy excuse that their other friend didn't like having strangers around. How she went to zoukout on her own with him. How she always hung out with him just to "play with his dog", spending more time with him than me. How could I never have seen it coming? They say when you're in it, all these things are hard to see, and I guess the same went for me. Nobody has ever betrayed my trust so completely, totally, utterly. I smile when I think about what a fool I was. How I carried on loving her until the day she sent me that message. Now I just feel glad that she's shown her true colours early, and I don't have to waste anymore of my time. She called me on that day, after discovering what I left at her door, after having a leisurely dinner and Lord knows what else with him. I accused her, asking how long she planned this. She said only 2 weeks, that what we had on my birthday was sincere. Lies, all lies, and perhaps she believed them herself. Perhaps not. I asked her how she thought I felt seeing him at her place, asking how long they've been doing this. No reply. Just sidestepping and asking for forgiveness. The usual cliched lines flowed fast and furious. The line of lines made it's expected appearance, "You deserve so much better than me". Well if I deserved so much better, then what did she deserve? Do you deserve the high life you've always want to be so much a part of? Balls? Parties? Galas? A life that is beyond your means so you look for other ways to achieve it? Even if that person has a wife, a family? If it means you lose the respect of all your friends? Is it worth it to gain all these things to look all around you and realise you have nothing left? That your only friends are the ones who are there because they don't know all your dirty secrets and the despicable things you've done? How long do you think it can last before it all comes falling down around your ears? I can't believe I read her so wrong. I can't believe I actually thought that this had some long term potential to it. I can't believe I was such a lousy judge of character.

I've recovered for the most bit. On monday I was near hysterical, naturally. Tuesday I was fine. Over it. When someone does something that nasty to you, all you've had in the past is negated. All of that is miniscule and worthless because of that singularity, the point of betrayal. Over it for the most part. I still get flashes, memories of the times we had shared. I still feel tug of emotion, but I shrug it off and remember that she isn't losing any sleep over this.

I still remember when I told her "Your secrets are safe with me. I've told no one about us". Her reply, "I thank you for that". Another stake in my heart. It started with a lie, and it ends in lies. I should have known it wouldn't have worked out. I come out of this with nothing but a broken heart. I don't even have a relationship to pin my broken heart on since it's virtually unknown. All I can do is vent on this stupid blog with ambiguous words and references. I have all her secrets with me, and sometimes I wonder, is revenge really as sweet as it seems? Should I do unto her as she has done unto me? Can I forgive her? Can I forgive even if I still feel these feelings of anger and betrayal? Or should I just let her reap the whirlwind? Should I do everything in my power to make sure she can't do this to anyone ever again and that she has no friends left to turn to afterwards? After all, she hasn't betrayed just my trust, but the trust of all the friends who think better of her as well.

It's late, I'm tired. I'll think about it another time.